The Search: Guest Post by Kerilyn Russo

by Crystal Belle on August 2, 2011

The post below is from Kerilyn Russo, who graciously offered to write for us here. I can relate to Kavanaugh’s poem- I think you will, too.

-Belle

Kaua'i - Princeville: View from St. Regis Princeville Prince Junior Suite Lanai

The Search by Kerilyn Russo:
I’d like to start with a deep and humble bow to the beautiful mama to be Belle for allowing me the opportunity to speak to you all today about something that has been keeping me quite occupied most of my life. Most likely, it’s something you’ll recognize within you as well.

The search.

As I look back on my life, I can see that I have been perpetually searching for the answers to the following two questions. These questions (and the continual feeling that my curiosity is never quite quenched) are the reason for my moments of both humbling gratitude as well as my never quite understood sadness and despair.

  1. How did I get here? (Also called ‘Who is responsible for all this?) And….
  2. What is the purpose in me being here?

For me, the journey to find these answers has always been in my endless need to understand what my faith and my vocation is, while I’m here, walking the earth. This pull from inside me, aches to be discovered and motivates and inspires me to keep searching. Interestingly, these two quandaries have never felt static and seem to always be evolving in front of me, as I continue on. Like the dangling carrot, placed in front of the rabbits face to continually entice him to move forward, my hunger for the answers leaves me a bit exhausted but inevitably, after a quick respite, a bit manic to continue on with my quest.

Despite many a conversation with others about their own search, over the years, this journey has always felt like a solo expedition, where I am somehow heading into the unknown alone, leading to many moments of feeling isolated (“No one is going to understand this yearning”) and also extreme joy when having stumbled upon another part of the puzzle.

It wasn’t until I stumbled upon the following poem, gracefully written by the universally ‘tapped in’ James Kavanaugh, that I finally felt understood, and began to no longer feel alone, instead feeling comforted that I am one of many.

“I am one of the searchers.
There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach; we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains,, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know – unless it be to share our laughter.

We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.

For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves.”

It was as if I finally understood I am not the only one, but MILLIONS of us, searching for our own answers to the same two questions. He acknowledges exactly how I’ve always felt…a restless, wistful soul who is neither unhappy nor content, but continually searching. I recognize that sentiment within me and feel connected, knowing that I too, feel the same. Now when I connect with a fellow ‘Searcher’, it’s as if my soul unites with the Universal family, growing in size and in vibrating in unison, and I feel a sense of coming home.

In recent years, I do not have to go far to find someone searching along with me. It’s like the dial has been turned up in our intensity to find what we are searching for. I can (and have) spent hours marinating in the many forms of creativity and expression found in ones individual desire to find their own answers. Most likely they are you, reading now, who are also asking the same two questions.

Who really knows what has caused our searching to become more intensified, our quest to find our voice among the many. I know for me, in this explosion of expression online, I have found the courage to step up my search, in the good company of the many, and take ACTION. No longer are these questions captive in my mind, but are now being fully expressed as a manifestation of my thoughts and gratefulness for connecting to the whole. It’s in those moments that it becomes clear…

We are all one in our search.

My quandary has now taken form, and I am now moving forward. Knowing all I have to do, when that twinge of solitude revisits with me, is to reach out and grab the hand of the person standing next to me, asking the same questions with the same level of both enthusiasm and stirring that unites us. Knowing that whether we find what we’re looking for, or continue to search for the rest of our lives, that we are not alone – and in that recognition I am at peace.

If you too, find yourself a ‘searcher’, be comforted in the knowing you are not alone, that many hearts and souls are united in our quest for the answers. Keep searching, dear soul, I wish you abundance and prosperity on your journey.

Kerilyn Russo is a bouquet of many things. Wife, Sister, Kindred Spirit to start. A recent certified life coach, she created Married to a Chef, calling out to significant others in the restaurant industry to join in their quest to find their value. Her degree says she’s an Interior Designer, working to assist other designers find success in their careers. As a creative, she calls herself a greeting card designer, sharing her search in the written form. You can find her @thisdreamergirl or @married2achef on Twitter. She would love other searchers to connect with her.

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