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Creative Spiritual Women

Our Attachment to Thoughts

“The mind is everything. What you think you become.”  -Buddha

Thoughts I’ve been attached to:
“I had an unfair childhood”
“My ex hurt me”
“I should’ve had a different experience that day”
“My best friend shouldn’t have died. She was so young.”
“It’s unfair for X to treat me this way.”

I can notice my attachment to these thoughts because I’ve continually told these stories. Even recently, I’ve told the story of my childhood, and the hardships I perceived. I’ve told the story of difficult situations with my exes. I’ve even told stories of tiny things that I felt shouldn’t have happened- little perceived injustices and unfairness.

Thanks to an incredible path of love and learning, I’ve recently realized: the only way these thoughts can continue to be true is through continually thinking them.

None of these thoughts are true. What’s worse- when I think about them today, it brings the past (as I perceive it) firmly into the present.

At first I wanted to hang on to “my perception” and “my stories”. After all, who am I without my stories?

Enlightened. Loving. Present.

Once I realized that all my pain, every ounce of pain I feel, is simply a thought I’m carrying into the present, my ego decided to flare up and see if it could get a little more pain out of me.

“You mean I wasted all that time being angry?”
“You mean all the grieving I went through was for nothing?”
“Those are very real emotions you’re attacking! You are attacking what’s real! It’s real because I can feel it!”
“Whoever is telling you this is lying to you. Get smart and call this person a quack!”

Realizing this was the ego helped me transcend those untrue thoughts, too.

Hanging on to negative thoughts from the past is a waste of time. Yet we’re very, very good at it. We’re so good at it we write books about it. We watch TV shows that perpetuate these histories. We believe that if we don’t study the past we’re doomed to repeat it! (Quite the opposite! The more time and attention you give to the past, the more you’re bringing it into the present and creating it in the future.)

“Your point of power is always in the present moment because you can ONLY take action in the present moment” Jon Kabat-Zin (thanks to Mayra for introducing me to Kabat-Zin)

So how do we stop thinking all those thoughts?

“There is nothing so disobedient as an undisciplined mind, and there is nothing so obedient as a disciplined mind.” -Buddha

At first, the idea of disciplining my mind seemed overwhelming to me. We have so many thoughts! And when I start to pay attention, so many of them are negative repeats from the past.

“Think of love as if it is water in a glass, and the glass is your body. When a glass has only a little water in it, it is empty of water. You can’t change the water level in the glass by waging war on the emptiness and trying to rip out the emptiness. The emptiness goes by filling the glass with water. When you have bad feelings, you are empty of love, and so when you put love into yourself, the bad feelings are gone.” -Rhonda Byrne, The Power

The important thing to remember is not to attack or wage war against the negative thoughts. When a thought that has been a habit for you pops up, you can simply replace it with something else. After a time, those thoughts won’t come up for you, because they never get anywhere. You won’t reinforce them, feed them, send them any energy whatsoever.

This, for me, has made the act of disciplining my mind easy and fun. Instead of worrying and getting frustrated when I have a bad thought, I immediately think of the best thing I can, instead. When the thought “X should not have done that to me” pops up, I think: what am I grateful for right now? What can I love right now? What is in this present moment? What is here, now? Is that memory here? I don’t see it. I see a room, a desk…

Another way to disarm those thoughts if you’re really feeling negative about them, is to list all the reasons why you’re grateful for that thing, person, or event. This is truly life-changing, and after you do it thoroughly, the thought “X shouldn’t have happened” or “X hurt me” won’t even make sense! When I did a gratitude list on all the things about my childhood I’m grateful for, and really explored this and meant it, I was overflowing with love and gratitude for the life I’ve lived up until now. It changed the way I looked at the people in my life, and it changed the way I framed the events that happened to me. Now I know that my childhood was actually Advanced Consciousness Training and I am so much better and stronger for it.

Steps to Discipline Your Thoughts:
1. Consciously choose love instead of those painful thoughts- without resisting the painful thoughts. If you’re too busy thinking about what you love right now, you won’t have any place in your mind for the negative stuff you used to think about.
2. Be radically grateful for what you perceived to be negative things. Do a hundred-item gratitude list (seriously) for every person, thing or situation that you feel hurt you. Once you perceive it as something that infinitely helped you versus hurt you, it loses it’s power to hurt you in the present.

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14 comments… add one
  • Great post Belle! This is by far some of the most important work any of us can do to enrich our lives and heal the world! THANK YOU

  • Thank you, Belle. I really loved reading this!
    I am forwarding to a dear friend – we have been talking about the present moment a lot lately. Your post gives great advice and insight!
    Happy Sunday to you and yours…

    • Belle

      Thank you Karen! It’s interesting how the same themes resonate for so many people at the same time. Can’t wait to catch up with you and hear your thoughts.

  • Cathy Fandrich

    Bravo! A sigh of relief came over me for you as I read this. Well done :)
    Much love.

    • Belle

      Thank you, Cathy! I am so grateful for you. =)

  • oh girl you KNOW I love this post!! Byron Katie (via Martha Beck) helped turn me on to this way of thinking too. It is simple, but not easy. It takes a lot of discipline, but it is SOOO worth it! I am CONSTANTLY having painful thoughts about my husband. So, I am asking all over the place for support as I work to replace those painful thoughts with loving thoughts and gratitude this week. Please send psychedelic rainbow love vibes my way and help me make it an awesome week! I might even post my 100 gratitude list about my husband on WE HEART GRATITUDE!! Can I? Huh? Huh?


    your friend

    • Belle

      “I am constantly having painful thoughts…” If you stop focusing on that, it’ll stop being true! I am sending you the gift of complete presence- presence that has no memory of past wrongs, no memory of past thoughts, and no projections of future wrongs or future thoughts. What are you thinking right now? What are you loving right now? I send you this moment!
      So grateful for you, Shannon!

  • After a weekend of struggling I needed this more than you’ll ever know. Even while I was suffering I knew it was only due to my perception of an otherwise lovely event. Just need to practice your tips (often!) and build up those muscles. Thank you so, so much.

    • Belle

      I am so grateful this was helpful to you! I am just thrilled, Lorinda, that you’re ready to stop suffering. It’s a very brave step, and the ego usually resists us- because hanging on to suffering only strengthens the ego. Bravo, Lorinda, and thank you so much for sharing your journey.

  • Rose Rilling

    Wow! What a thought provoking article filled with a wealth of tools.
    Thinking of 100 positive thoughts from which to be grateful is an event and I will give it a try. thank you for your words, thoughts, and creative, loving ideas.
    Love Rose

    • Belle

      Thank you, dear Rose! I look forward to hearing what your experience is with the gratitude!

  • Diane N.

    These thoughts for me are MUCH lower in intensity than they used to be for sure. But I have never been able to get them completely extenguished.. I am going t hang the ‘comparison of a glass of water’ on my mirror to read every day. I know this already but a new way of thinking of it! And also I ultimately see things that have hurt me in the past, as things that brought me to where I am now. Had the path not been the same, I would be in a different place,,,,and not necessisarily a BETTER place. p.s. I LOVED this Belle! Still digesting it :)

    • Belle

      AWESOME Diane! I know you’ve struggled with some of the things I have, so I completely understand. The glass of water analogy really helped me- I am so brimming with good things, who has time or space for that old stuff? It’s all in where your attention goes! Love you dearly!

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