Open Source Sofware

Dealing with Mean People

We’ve all been there. Someone near and dear to us says something that cuts us to the quick. Our hearts ache, our stomach falls, and we blink back tears. How could they possibly have said that to me?

Often, it’s those closest to us that have the ability to hurt us the worst. So often I’ve heard, “but s/he knows how I feel about that!” or “I’ve told him/her a hundred times that hurts my feelings!”

Because we perceive those injustices as so much worse, we allow them to make us feel awful.

Fortunately, we all have the ability to stop mean people in their tracks- instantly.

Being Hurt is an Error in Perception

There are a few important things to remember about life on this earth:

1- No one has the power to make you feel any way.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

When someone says something and you decide to feel hurt or take offense, you decided to have that reaction. Just as easily, you can decide not to be hurt anymore. Sometimes this takes reframing the comment…

2- What anyone says about anyone or anything is actually a reflection of that speaker, not the person or thing they’re talking about. The more you meditate on this, the more you’ll find it to be true. Start noticing the way people talk about others- and it will astound you. And when you realize this in the moment someone is saying something negative to you, you can laugh to yourself, knowing that their comment actually has nothing to do with you.

3-There is no “me” that can be hurt. We are all One. The ego lies when it tells us we are separate from anyone. There is nothing that can hurt you, because you are Self, not the ego.

The ego can be hurt. The ego thrives on hurt and perceived wrongs. The ego loves being a victim. The Self can’t be hurt. Can you offend that which is All? If someone says something that hurts you, you are not hurt- your ego is. By separating our “us-ness” from our egos, we achieve real peace.

 3 Steps to Un-Hurting

1. Remember that you are incapable of being hurt. Your Self is so loving, so powerful, so complete that no “lack” or offense is possible.

2. Remember that anything anyone else says is merely a reflection of themselves. You don’t have to think of this in a vindictive way, such as, “Well they’re just such a mean person! Of course they’d say mean things!” Have compassion and wisdom when turning this around, and see a hurting person who doesn’t know how to do anything but hurt others.

3. When you do feel hurt, recognize it and reframe it. If you ignore it, your ego is allowed to continue working in the background. Acknowledge that you felt hurt, and choose to feel differently, with the full power in knowing that you choose your emotions, and no one else can “make” you feel any way.

Bonus: When someone says something that I want to take offense to, I also mentally thank them, and thank God for the situation, because it means I discovered a place inside me that I would rather fill with love than hurt. If I am willing to take offense at something, that’s a little piece of me I haven’t worked on, and they just handed me a treasure map leading straight to it!

When viewing the world this way, looking forward to refining and changing and feeling more and more loving, every situation is welcome and the world is a friendly, lovely place.


If this post helped you, please share it on Facebook or Twitter, or Stumble it using the buttons below! Thank you gorgeous. <3


  1. This is filled with wisdom and truth. I so appreciate your gift and what you share here.

  2. Thank you, Belle, for another awareness message from CSW. We all have probably experienced unwelcome words at some time or another. “Hurt people hurt people.”

  3. Thank you Belle, I pray your words ring through my heart the next time my ego decides to play victim. I´m paying attention!
    Love, kelly

  4. Victoria says:

    (Sorry for the lots of comments hehe). I think the “bonus” was so powerful. What a great way to reframe something, when thinking of how it reflects on the person doesn’t quite stop the sting. I’m so happy I found this website.

  5. There’s this girl at my school (really mean) and she said I was mean to her when I always try to be nice to her. I need advice :(. I tried all this and even confronting her about it and when I said that it had nothing to do with me and what you said about that she said “I guess that’s why you call me mean”
    I need help :(

    • Crystal Belle says:

      Hi Malina! (What a beautiful name!)

      It sounds like you’re wanting this girl to be different than she is. You call her mean, and you’re trying to make her nice to you- as Byron Katie might say, you’re arguing with reality, and that’s really not being very kind to her.

      Maybe try accepting her just the way she is, and don’t expect her to act a different way just because you want her to.

      I hope this helps you. It sounds like you’re very worried about this whole situation and that’s very loving and kind of you. Thank you for coming here to ask and sharing your story. Let me know how it goes!

  6. Lillian Cavenough says:

    Spiritually the Self does not simply accept others meanness without wise discernment that clearly this is behavior not of the Self, holy and worthy of a child of God in earthly embodiment. We need to be clear that it is not OK to abuse, that is not the ego judging but divinity calling us to remember…it is a fine line but according to scriptural teachings on the Self, we can only observe peacefully, when we know right and wrong in wisdom.

  7. Thank you so much. I have been sitting in my office in tears at statements made to me. The bonus will get me through this day without them seeing that they hurt me and brought me to tears.

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